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  • Writer's pictureMeghan Gerardi

Tips for Coping with Secondary Infertility

Trying for a second baby and having a hard time? Here are some tips which may be helpful when dealing with secondary infertility


When you face secondary infertility, you’re dealing not only with the typical ups and downs of trying to conceive, but also with the additional emotional fallout that is unique to those having difficulty getting pregnant with baby number two.


In addition to feeling disappointed and upset, you may also be feeling shock (“I got pregnant so easily the first time, there’s no way I could have infertility problems”), guilt (“I already have a child, so I should be happy”) and even isolation (“I can’t connect with the people facing primary infertility and I can’t connect with my friends who have multiple kids”).


How do you reconcile these conflicting emotions — and how do you tackle them while trying to raise the child you already have? Here are some tips:


Acknowledge your feelings. When dealing with secondary infertility, it’s very common to feel shock or denial. After all, making one baby might have been a piece of cake for you, so you probably assumed that having a second one would be easy, too. Your friends and even your doctor may also downplay your current infertility problems (telling you not to take it so hard or to “just keep trying”) since you had no trouble before. But secondary infertility is much more common than most people realize. So allow yourself the chance to accept the idea that you may be battling secondary infertility — because once you do, you can tackle the problem head-on.

Give in to the grief. While you probably feel disappointed and sad about your infertility problems, you may feel guilty giving in to those emotions. Parents facing secondary infertility often feel they don’t have the “right” to feel upset because they should be grateful for the child they already have. But if you want more children and are having trouble getting pregnant again, you're just as entitled as anyone else to feel depressed or angry. The last thing you need when you’re coping with secondary infertility is to let guilt weigh you down even more.

Talk it out. Once you realize you’re entitled to your emotions, find an outlet for them. Talking about your feelings can be a huge release and allow you to receive the support you need. If your family or friends don’t understand your sadness (or you find it hard to contain your baby envy around friends with more than one child), seek out people in your same situation. Find a support group for people with secondary infertility — online or in your area. And consider joining WTE's Trying to Conceive group to find moms who are also coping with secondary infertility.

Spend quality time with your child. In the midst of your secondary infertility problems, you may feel especially upset about shifting your focus from the child you already have to the child you’re longing to have in the future. You may even feel guilty about your inability to give your little one a sibling or about the sadness that may be spilling over into her life. The best thing you can do for your child is to keep life as normal as possible, and ideally, find some quality time to be together. Whether it’s a chat about her day before you tuck her into bed or an afternoon romp in the park, those rituals will go a long way toward keeping your tot’s world stable and happy — even if your's is spinning out of control. If you fear that you may have a hard time handling your true emotions in front of your child (say, your pregnancy test just came up negative for the zillionth time in a row), see if you can arrange to send her to a friend’s house, or enlist your partner or mother to take over for a bit. Allowing yourself the time to compose yourself can make it much easier to face your little pride and joy with a smile.

Connect with your partner. Remember that you aren't the only one coping with secondary infertility, and while your partner may be dealing with it differently, it can be extremely helpful to check in with each other emotionally. Set aside some time to talk about how your secondary infertility problems are affecting each of you. If you're tired of talking about it, plan a date night that's totally unrelated to any baby-making duties. Since secondary infertility problems can take a toll on any relationship, date nights are needed now more than ever to keep the love and fun flowing. An added bonus: Since lowering your stress levels could also improve your fertility, enjoying just being a couple could even increase your odds of achieving that second pregnancy.

If you decide to seek out a fertility specialist, know that there are technologies available — including artificial insemination (AI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) — that can help boost the odds of a successful pregnancy.


Source of Article:https://www.whattoexpect.com/getting-pregnant/fertility/secondary-infertility/

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